i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
