I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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