"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
