Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
