I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
