i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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