so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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