the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
