Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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