Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
