i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
