dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
