she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
