Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
