i need an iv and a liver transplant
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
