At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
