Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry ohlala hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(325): View more from Texas

That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.

Fav 21 3421 1483
share tweet
(571): View more from Virginia

You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?

(703): View more from Virginia

I don't even know what potassium is.

Fav 47 10645 1490
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(443): View more from Maryland

He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M

Fav 34 1161 10934
share tweet
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.

Fav 20 5457 1453
share tweet
(626): View more from California

How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.

Fav 12 2883 1362
share tweet
(217): View more from Illinois

Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency

Fav 10 4249 1232
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(334): View more from Alabama

seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.

Fav 7 1384 1203
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(720): View more from Colorado

If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire

Fav 3 297 154
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(618): View more from Illinois

Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way

(270): View more from Kentucky

and for that you shall suffer

(618): View more from Illinois

God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine

Fav 0 36 23
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT