Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
