I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
