the condom got lost in my hair
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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