As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
