so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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