you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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