He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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