How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
