i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
