I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
