Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
