Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I supernannyed him into submission
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
