You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
