It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
