i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
