Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Randomize
