it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
