WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
