Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
