I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
