UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
