if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
