Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Randomize
