So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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