doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
