What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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