john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
