a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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