Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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