Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just blew my weed a kiss
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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