she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
