Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
