Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
