Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
