I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
